MUNDANE MOMENTS (Help Me)

It's been a while. During January i..

* Thought about starting to meditate.

* Got startled by a pig on a farm who crept up behind me.

* Had a haircut where (for the first time) i managed to avoid lying to the hairdresser about myself.

* Got given a new clipboard at work. I also got a great new van to deliver olives in..then cruely had it taken away from me..still got the clipboard though! I wrote 'KING OF THE ROAD' on it.

* Witnessed a drug deal taking place.

* Went to Panto with my Grandparents (i am 27!).

* Had a dream i was going out with Cheryl Tweedy after she ditched Ashley Cole. To prove i was a better man than him, i raced him. As he was passing me i tripped him up and threw him in a river. Later in the dream i had 3 dinosaur babies.

* Had a big row with an estate agent called Caz..Caz!??

* Threw out (well..moved downstairs) half of my newspaper collection that built up over 2007. Next, i'll move them out the house.

* Had alot of fun watching old people use the self service tills in Asda.

* Missed a chance to meet Noel Edmonds. He was sat next to some friends in a bar, they texted my old number so i only found out the next day.

* Ate 3 onion bhajis while walking up a hill.

* Was left soo dissapointed with Big Brother Celebrity Hijack.

* Overheard a butcher talking to one of his staff about a Meatloaf song.."i wanna know what he won't do?".

* Have been really behind on the blogging front.

* Stole and drunk a Christmas present given to my Brother.

* Ate 3 creme eggs in 10mins.

* Bought a new website. JJJunk coming soon!

MUNDANE MOMENTS (It's A Wonderful Life!)

Over the last few weeks i..

* Had to hold my Brother's cat while my Mum wiped his bum.

* Bumped into Helen from Big Brother 2 while Christmas shopping in Boots.

* Had a virus for 3 days. It was probably the worst 3 days of my life!! I've never been more ill. I spent 4 hours with a box of old magazines/papers on my lap as we drove (for 4 hours) back for Christmas. Later my Mum had to hold a cat while my Brother wiped my bum.

* Painted a croissant.

* Have been wondering WHO or WHAT a Michael Buble is?

* Finally sat down and watched 'It's A Wonderful Life'.

* Saw the Portishead comeback show. It was good although i got annoyed with the venue/crowd (an old woman had a go at me for walking past her??). Team Brick was brilliant! he baffled the humourless crowd which was funny. Later i went onto the staff Christmas party (which i have very little memory of).

* Got a Christmas bonus and a rather touching letter of thanks in my work Christmas card.

* Have been living like a king at my mum's house over the festive period.

* Have been delaying the OLO Radio re-launch. Sorry. Check back on new year's eve.

* Saw a giant duck waving at the side of the road while i drove by.

* Am trying to remember who won X Factor?

* Have been eating MORE since Christmas ended.

* Farted in a organic food shop.

* Took my Nan & Grandad to a garden centre...and bought them tea and cake!

* Went 3 weeks without hot water or heating!! The boiler broke. I won't go into details because it's ridicous and i'll just get really angry. Ooooh no Colin!! I won't be paying rent this month.

MUNDANE MOMENTS (Broken Home)

During the last month i..

* Ate ALOT of sausages.

* Defaced a love note.

* Saw LIARS! One of the best gigs of the year. Here's a video someone filmed from the night.

* Got a pay rise, then the next day reversed the van into a customer's car causing over £1,000 damage.

* Have been wondering why i am Fern Cotton's friend on myspace?? She keeps posting really annoying status updates.

* Have been living in a ice box. Been wearing 4 layers most nights.

* Have lost a housemate and gained a new housemate. Another computer nerd, to add to the one i already have (see photos below). I've had to stop myself from stealing biscuits from the treasure chest in his room.

* Have been getting back into Weetos and Coco Pops. 1992 all over again..w-w-w-where were you in '92, 92!

* Sat on a bus while someone behind me sang opera.

* Have been asked to make music videos for two musicians i love!

* Ate some Belgian waffles.

* Sat on a stage painting a parrott in front of 100+ people.

* Got really really scared by a friend at my front door who looked like an old witch.

* Had a mini panic attack in the middle of the night in my room while surrounded by cuttings & paint. The pint of coffee may have been to blame (see below).

* Drank ALOT of coffee. After a brief high, i fell and realised coffee was evil. I say pick yourself up.

* Stared into the Status Quo blacked out tour bus.

* Overheard a man saying "i'm gonna make you HATE Thursdays!" to another man.

* Got caught up in a punk's haircut.

* Overheard a man (while he sipped expensive wine) in a swanky bar saying "Believe me honey, no one's more creative than ME!"

* Saw Jermaine Jackson waiting at some traffic lights.

* Saw a little boy pull a wierd face as he passed my blown up Christmas olive design which has been printed onto the window of the shop i was delivering to.

* Was rudely interupted by a man with a massive wart while i was having a nice chat with pretty barmaid.

* Befriended an owl called Owen.

* Saw the dwarf from Twin Peaks washing salad in a restaurant kitchen.

* Overheard some girls behind me in a queue at Wilko's talking about the spots on their chests.

* Was shot in the back with a champagne cork.

MUNDANE MOMENTS (Stick The Kettle On)

The lengths i have to go to have a bath!! No heating / hot water for a week now! It's like living in the olden days..

MUNDANE MOMENTS (Camouflage)

This week i..

* Was terrified that i was going to be egged by disgruntled trick or treaters when i handed over a battenburg cake. Thankfully for me one of the witches screamed "i love that stuff!!"

* Overheard a man with a mouthful of pasty talking a strange language.

* Went to a student house party..midweek! I refuse to grow up.

* Watched a mud slide on a tiny TV in a corner shop.

* Discovered my mum has signed up on Facebook.

MUNDANE MOMENTS (Dorks)

Over the last couple of weeks I..

* Have been having a Tic Tac revival.

* Saw Freddie Kruger looking lost, reading a map in the town center.

* Found a peanut in the street which gave me a brilliant idea.

* Met a rat catcher.

* Got a bit freaked out when while talking about the foot piano scene in the film 'Big' someone else was playing the exact same thing over the other side of the pub!! I ran over to tell her..she was nowhere near as excited as i was.

* Nearly electrocuted myself jump starting my van..there were SPARKS!

* Saw Kid Rock drinking tea outside a deli in Chew Magna.

* Overheard a man calling another man a DORK under his breath.

* Blocked the toilet in a really posh restaurant and made a really sharp exit before i was rumbled.

* Have been getting lots of thumbs up from my fellow van drivers.

* Was forced to listen to Limp Biscuit at work.."rollin' rollin' rollin'"

* Heard a girl at the end of my driveway shout fox! as i walked out my house. It was a real fox, i am not foxy.

* Was over the moon when i was presented with a brand new trolley to deliver my olives in. Easily pleased.

* Was told a look like Henrik Larsson!?